CM: When did you complete the Transformative Coaching Essentials program and what are some of the most valuable things you got out of it?
ML: I completed the Transformative Coaching Essentials (“TCE”) program in 2020/2021. The most valuable thing I got out of TCE is, frankly, my own enormous personal growth. As I learned how to help people reveal their own innate wisdom, I learned to appreciate my own wisdom. As I struggled to learn this new skill, starting with the story that “I don’t know how to do this,” I became aware that I wasn’t necessarily learning something new, I was learning to “upgrade” skills that I already have, such as holding space for someone struggling, reflecting what I’m hearing, asking a client to examine and question the stories they tell themselves that stand in their way. To learn how to be a coach is to learn to appreciate even more the benefits of being coached yourself. Not only did I spend a year gaining experience in coaching, but I also spent a year being coached by other participants and gaining an even greater appreciation for the impact of the process.
CM: Do you consider yourself a life coach? If no, how would you describe who you are professionally?
ML: I consider myself to be a part-time life coach and full-time Family Law Mediator. I use the skills I learned from TCE in my mediation practice, and I use some of the practical and psychological wisdom I have learned over 34 years of practicing family law litigation and mediation in my coaching practice.
CM: What would you say to somebody who told you they were thinking about becoming a life coach?
ML: I would say that it is important to honor the challenge that learning to be a coach through TCE is, recognizing that, like with all challenging endeavors, it comes with a great deal of satisfaction. This is not a lightweight “survey course.” This is challenging on both an intellectual and experiential level. Yet it may open up some very exciting professional possibilities no matter what you want to do with these newfound skills. Will you use these skills to help our fellow human beings achieve their greatest and scariest aspirations? Will you use these skills to develop a better relationship with your spouse, children, and co-workers? Learning to meet the person who is in front of you where they are (not where you think they “should be”) with curiosity and respect for their world view is a life skill that can translate into more satisfying relationships both personally and professionally.
CM: What is one misperception you believe people have about coaches (whether designated “life coach” or something else)?
ML: Many people have the misperception that a “coach” is like a track and field coach, an expert who will teach you to be good at some skill you think you need to learn (getting better at time management, anyone?). That definition applied to the term “life coach” leads to the puzzling expectation that a life coach will teach you about “life.” But a coach, as we use the term (especially the term “life coach”), means a process and a partnership designed to lead to the client’s own “aha” moments about the stories they tell themselves, the assumptions they make, the attitudes and habits that are such an ingrained part of themselves that they can’t see they exist.
CM: What is your coaching specialty?
ML: Given my view of the coaching process, I am open to coaching anyone who is committed to moving forward in life. However, I have several areas of passion: (1) helping people find their way through the divorce process; (2) helping people seeking to avoid a divorce; and (3) helping people who are on a spiritual path, examining their purpose and place in life.
CM: Are you a full-time coach?
ML: I am a part-time coach, although several years from now, I anticipate transitioning into full-time coaching.
CM: What do you do other than coaching?
ML: I mediate family law cases (divorce, custody, support, etc.). That means I educate people on family law and help them assemble the necessary information to make good decisions. In addition, I help them talk through the decisions they need to make. TCE has helped me to be more skillful at holding space for clients in conflict, assisting them in hearing each other. A skill that will require me to be a “lifelong learner” is that of asking truly curious questions. These are questions that are not designed to lead to an outcome (“you should just agree”) but instead are designed to lead to insight (“I am afraid, but I’m not sure what I’m afraid of”).
But I do not define myself only through my profession. I am also a guitar player, a spiritual seeker, a father, a brother, and a friend. I am also a lover, deeply embedded in learning just what that means (starting with myself).
CM: Do you have a website dedicated to your coaching business?
ML: As I write this, I have a coaching page on my mediation website: https://www.matthewjlong.com/coaching/ Creating a website devoted to my coaching practice is something I will get coaching on with my next “coaching plan.” Coaches who believe in coaching get coaching themselves.
CM: Do you have social media accounts that you use primarily for your coaching business?
ML: No, but I have a Facebook page devoted to my coaching business, but I’m not much of a Facebook user. Mmmmm. I think I need some coaching on this.
