Changing Other People

We all know that we can’t change other people.

Right?

And it is true. Ultimately. But you can affect so much more change than you think you can. Consider this quote:

“The way you see people is the way you treat them, and the way you treat them is what they become.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Because we do in fact contribute to the way that others act toward us.  Once I believe my work partner is “unreliable,” I may start to make comments about it, or I look for all the ways in which he is unreliable and I bring those to his attention.  I do not look for anything that might mean that I am wrong about him.  Because I have characterized him.  And we humans like to be right about people.  We like to know “how people are.”  But people change constantly.  If you allow it.

To me the most important thing about the Goethe quote above is to look for what you would like to see in people.  If I find my work partner unreliable certainly I can talk to him about it.  But also I can watch for times he shows up on time and I can watch for the things he does for me and the business that are useful and helpful and I can comment on those things.

Not only will this let him know that I am seeing him differently, but I will also actually start to see him differently.  You certainly cannot “change” other people.  But you can change how you see them, and you can create an environment in which the best part of them comes out.

About the Author

Cami McLaren

Cami McLaren

is the owner of McLaren Coaching. She has been coaching professionals and leaders since early 2008. She runs Transformative Coaching Essentials, a coach training program that produces first rate Professional Coaches and "Coach-Style Leaders." She coaches individually and works with organizations to improve communication, time management, productivity and ultimately bring greater results.

Get Our Newsletter
Recent Posts
Happy New Year _Commitment graphic

New Years’ Resolutions. Now What!?

Every year, we do this cool thing. We start over. Many of my clients are very aware of this natural break that gets created at the end of the calendar year. And what a lovely opportunity it is! So in December, coaches like me are...

Read More
Joan Viriginia Allen and Cami McLaren at table

Like Daughter, Like Mother

Like Daughter, Like Mother Once upon a time, my mom asked me a very interesting question. It changed the course of my life. And hers. And our relationship. She has recently started an on-line magazine. Click here to read the story of our journey. One...

Read More
Kid basketball thermos graphic

What Does it Mean to be Committed to a Relationship?

The Commitment Pillar The 3 basic pillars of a strong relationship are trust, communication and commitment.  (Thanks to Source Point Training for this model.)  Today I am writing about the commitment pillar. In our program training coaches and coach-style leaders (www.mclarencoaching.com/coach-training), we work on how to be effective in relationships...

Read More
Why Image

Purpose is More Powerful Than Motivation

Purpose This month I am talking about purpose. What’s Your Why Kevin Durant Motivational – YouTube One of my favorite speakers on this topic is Eric Thomas – an amazing motivational speaker. Motivation is a funny thing. Often we think it is this “feeling” that...

Read More

Share this Post

Facebook
Twitter
LinkedIn
Email