Grace & Accountability

Yesterday I got home from a four-day weekend in Southern California and I was tired. I went to take a nap and when I came out one of my cats was licking his lips which is never a good sign. I walked nervously around the corner and I saw that he had dumped an entire cup of water on to my computer.

One of the things we teach new coaches in our coach training program is the concept of accountability. What this means is we get to take ownership for our results. What that sounds like in this instance is me saying, “Oh look I learned this lesson again. Maybe I need a better strategy for implementing this lesson because this was a pretty expensive one.” And then creating a strategy to implement what I learned.

Often in Coach Training what I hear from coaches is, “I’m going to give myself grace.” When I first heard this phrase it sounded lovely and I asked what I always ask which is, “What does that mean?” And what they said was always some version of I’m not going to be mean to myself about this. (I love that!) However the other piece was often I’m also not going to be accountable for the fact that I broke an agreement or did not do the thing that I said I would do.

I love the definition of grace that says I’m not going to be mean to myself. That’s a large chunk of what we learn in coach training. It’s not effective for growth and change to attack yourself when you don’t do something you have committed to doing. I think one of the things that is hardest for people to learn is we can be kind to ourselves and also hold ourselves accountable. It is not necessary, nor is it helpful, to treat ourselves badly in the name of accountability. In fact in the coaching definition, we hold ourselves accountable from a neutral and curious space.

When I made the mistake with the water and the cats and the computer, I was unhappy with myself. I thought, “Ugh, Cami, you already know this.” And then I set it down. Yep; I already know this. And I made a mistake. What can I learn and what will I change?

The lesson here is do not sacrifice accountability for the sake of grace. And do not imagine that true accountability means being hard on yourself. They go together. Grace and accountability. Accountability and Grace.  Like Mac ‘n cheese. Kermit and Miss Piggy. Movies and popcorn. Bert and Ernie.